A Five Question interview with Debby Peters
I recently sat down with author and networking guru Debby Peters to talk about navigating those odd duck gatherings- holiday work events. These include receptions hosted by vendors, open houses, cocktail hours, or holiday programs. After second year of social distancing, many holiday gatherings will be back this year. We know we should attend, but we often don’t know why or what we should accomplish.
As a reluctant networker, I turned to Debby for her expert advice on making the most of this annual whirl.
Q: How do you make holiday work-related social and networking events work for you?
Debby: They can be so challenging. They’re not social events, and they’re not exactly work events, either. So the first thing you have to decide is why you are there. Are you there to enjoy the food and drink and have a good time (social), or are you there to meet new people who might have an interest in your organization’s mission (work).
If your purpose is work, then decide on a goal. It works best to decide before you arrive at the event. For me, if I have a lot of events or I’m tired, I will set the goal of meeting two new people. If the event is lively and I feel like talking more, then I will stay. But if not, once I meet my goal, I give myself permission to leave and know that attending was still a good use of my time.
Q: I often feel intimidated when I get to a networking event. It seems that everyone is already engaged and talking with other guests. How do I successfully navigate those initial awkward moments?
Debby: I always look for groups of one. If you take a moment to scan the room, you will invariably see at least one person standing alone. Approach them and introduce yourself. There are a few classic icebreakers that you can rely on, like, “How do you know the host?” or “How are you connected to this group?” I’ve developed a networking tool called GIFTS. It’s a simple way of asking a few questions and learning a lot about the other person.
Q: GIFTS, how does it work?
Debby: Each letter represents a question, starting with asking about Groups, then Interests, Family, Targets (Goals), and Successes.
In a social situation, you might have time to ask one or two. It’s important to put each question in your own words and to remember you are a friendly acquaintance, not an interviewer. For example, for Targets, you could ask, “What sort of business goals are you hoping to achieve before the end of the year?” For Family, you might ask about travel plans or favorite family traditions. In the end, as a good networker, you should be thinking about who you know that might be able to help or support your new acquaintance in their work or interests.
Q: How do you know when it’s time to move on?
Debby: If you’re having a great conversation, after 5 minutes or so, ask if you can have the person’s business card and if you can call them in the next few days to set up a time to get better acquainted. Another thing I like to do is ask the person I’ve been talking with who else at the event they would like to meet. If it’s someone I know, I walk them over and introduce them. If I don’t know that person, I will suggest that the two of us approach the person and introduce ourselves and bring that third person into the conversation.
Q: What if you’re not ready to exchange information, or you just don’t click?
Debby: Take the lead by saying it’s been nice talking with them, and you don’t want to keep them from talking with other people.
When you’re ready to leave the event, be sure to thank the host. If there is a program at the event, take a moment to thank the speaker, and if you can, give them specific feedback about something that resonated within their presentation. Speakers are human, too, and want to know they made an impact on the audience.
A final question: What’s the most common mistake you see people make at these hybrid social/work events?
Debby: People forget it’s a get-to-know-you process, not a sales process. You are just starting to get acquainted. Don’t start selling. It isn’t polite in a social setting, and it doesn’t work.
In closing, I asked Debby about nametags. Is she on Team Nametag at events?
I always wear my own nametag. I want people to approach me, especially if we met before and they can’t remember my name. And if they are wearing a name tag, it helps me to “remember” their name too!
If you do attend social events this holiday season, stay safe!
For more expert advice on 21st-century networking, visit 21-21-21. You can download her podcasts at Third Generation Networking. Debby has also written a new book, Tell Me Exactly What to Say, available on Amazon. You can order your own custom nametag from Third Generation Networking.